Mr. Pug & Mr. Other Pug

Mr. Pug and Mr. Other Pug stood on the sidewalk, late for a New Years Eve party.

“You mean we’re lost?” asked Mr. Other Pug.

“I thought I knew where we were going,” said Mr. Pug. “But I think I left the directions at home.”

“Check your pockets,” said Mr. Other Pug.

“Uh, hello, we have no pockets!” said Mr. Pug. “We’re pugs, dammit.”

Mr. Pug felt around his skin folds where pockets would normally be but couldn’t find the directions anywhere.

“What about a GPS?” asked Mr. Other Pug.

“If I have no pockets for the directions, where the hell would I keep a GPS?” asked Mr. Pug.

Just then something dashed past the pugs and darted over a hedge.

“SQUIRREL!” yelled Mr. Pug.

Automatically something clicked and the two pugs immediately lost all sense of purpose and ran off in pursuit of the menacing, tree-living, peanut-eating grey rodent. The squirrel sped up the driveway and Mr. Pug and Mr. Other Pug followed suit. The squirrel squeezed between garbage cans and Mr. Pug and Mr. Other Pug barreled right thru them. The squirrel plunged under a parked car and Mr. Pug and Mr. Other Pug put a well-rehearsed plan into place, with Mr. Pug standing guard at the spot where the dangerous, bushy-tailed, rat-like creature disappeared and barked furiously.  As if on cue, Mr. Other Pug circled the vehicle to make sure the monster didn’t come out the other side. He was also barking furiously.

The cunning squirrel escaped between them and took off for the big, shady oak tree. With a few small jumps and then a huge leap it sprung across the dead crabgrass and landed spread eagle against the firm trunk with a loud thwak! Dazed, but nearly safe, it hoisted itself up to the closest branches, far from where any pug would be able to get to him.

Witnessing this Mr. Pug and Mr. Other Pug bolted over to the old tree. They circled the oak, snorting and barking and howling menacingly. They kept up the racket until they didn’t have the energy any longer.  Mr. Pug sat and stared up at the squirrel who, by this time, was ignoring the pugs and was quite busy shelling an acorn.

“No fair,” said Mr. Other Pug. “If we had retractable claws we could scale up that tree and be sitting on that branch right next to him. I bet he’d even give us a taste of one of his acorns.”

Mr. Pug panted and glared at Mr. Other Pug.

“The saddest thing about that comment,” said Mr. Pug, “is that you’re completely serious, aren’t you?”

Defeated, Mr. Pug lifted his leg, peed on the base of the oak tree. Mr. Other Pug waited his turn and then lifted his leg and peed on the base of the oak tree, too. Mr. Pug saw this, returned, and peed on the oak tree again. He passed Mr. Other Pug on the way back to the sidewalk.

“Don’t even,” said Mr. Pug.

They walked in silence along the curb, wondering which way the party was. After a few feet Mr. Other Pug looked back at the tree.

“Happy New Year, Mr. Squirrel,” he called out.