Mr. Pug & Mr. Other Pug Find A Loophole
It was freezing outside but toasty warm inside. Mr. Other Pug was bathed in sunshine streaming through the windows. It was the perfect temperature to do some thinking.
“What are you doing?” asked Mr. Pug, who came in from the cold carrying a Frisbee that was rather too big to fit in his puggish mouth.
“Thinking about New Year’s resolutions,” said Mr. Other Pug drowsily.
“You never kept any of last year’s resolutions,” said Mr. Pug.
“This year’ll be different,” said Mr. Other Pug, giving a knowing glance at his waistline. “See? I made a list.”
Mr. Pug unfolded the envelope that Mr. Other Pug handed to him. On the back were lots of scribbled words. Pugs don’t have the best penmanship, so it was hard, but not impossible, to read:RESOLUTIONS 2012.
- Eat more treats.
- Hang tongue further out of mouth. This will make me look cuter – vital to getting more treats.
- Lose weight. This conflicts with #1 & #2, so forget this one.
- Dominate Mr. Vacuum. Barking is not enough. Grow some cajónes & follow thru.
- Don’t eat my own vomit. Don’t eat Mr. Pug’s vomit either.
- When guests arrive, greet them with dirty laundry in mouth. Underwear gets better reaction than socks.
- Keep a safe distance when sniffing a bigger dog’s butt while they pee. Difficult but not impossible.
- Sleep in the sun. This requires traversing comfy sofa from morning to afternoon and, if appropriate, following sun to the hard floor.
- Don’t pee inside. Especially right after being outside. This causes a lot of yelling and screaming.
- While being reprimanded after getting into the garbage, blame someone else.
Mr. Pug put the list down. He didn’t make any resolutions at all. “Not for me,” he said. “Not worth it.”
Mr. Other Pug shuffled across the sofa to catch a little more sunlight. “Why not?” he asked.
Mr. Pug pulled out the 2012 Mayan calendar he got for Christmas. “Next year at this time we’re not supposed to be here.”
“Loophole!” exclaimed Mr. Other Pug, jumping off the sofa. “If the Mayans were right, I don’t need any of these resolutions,” he said. “There’s a greasy chicken carcass and a wedge of moldy cheddar in the trash and they’re calling my name!”
Mr. Pug ran after Mr. Other Pug and the two dove at the kitchen garbage can, spilling everything out. Eggshells, greasy paper towels, chicken bones, stale bread, open cans of refried beans and piles of dirty, dirty rice spewed out across the floor! The pugs were in heaven lapping up whatever looked and tasted good.
“So far, 2012 is a great year,” said Mr. Other Pug, day-old egg yolk dripping from his jowls.
“Agreed,” said Mr. Pug. “Just don’t you dare blame me for this!”